You Catch More Flies with Honey than Vinegar

One of our readers just relayed an uplifting story.  It shows that with a little honesty and kindness you can turn a potentially negative experience into a positive one.  Here's what she said:

 Have you been on the phone with "customer support" or "tech support" lately? (especially when the company has moved their support to another country? Not only can one not hear clearly, it's the devil to figure out what the tech is saying! I have learned that it helps to explain right away that I have a hearing disability, and please would they speak slowly and clearly. The first time they cooperate, I thank them profusely and they are more than willing to be helpful. At the close of the session, I make sure to let them know that I appreciate their patience, and convey this to their supervisor if the opportunity arises.

Group Problems

One of our readers is particularly frustrated in group situations (ie: his church group), where some of the members speak too softly or mumble.  He doesn't want to hurt their feelings by bringing it to their attention, so he ends up missing half the conversation.  This could just as easily have been a book group, etc., and we've all experienced it. Perhaps a cordless microphone could be passed around??? Please give Ben some suggestions!

Loyalty

I am one of those loyal people who will stay your client/ customer/ patient for life.  As an example, I’ve had the same accountant for 30 years, even though we now live on different coasts.  My dentist  will stay the same, barring he doesn’t pull out the wrong tooth. Likewise for the doctor, as long as he doesn’t mix up my medications. 

But last year, I actually changed my hairdresser (gasp!). No, it wasn’t because of a bad haircut (or 2 or 3)…even that might have been tolerable.  The reason is one which we, as hearing challenged people, live will all the time.  He was incapable of communicating with me clearly enough…a voice too soft and a tendency to mumble.  It was demeaning and uncomfortable to keep asking him to speak a bit louder.

 Too often, I left the salon feeling emotionally drained.  I finally concluded that a good haircut just wasn’t worth it…you might look good, but you want to feel good as well!

 

Frustration in the Workplace

Recently, several of my readers expressed their frustration at their jobs.  The complaints involved colleagues that continually spoke to them in very soft voices, in spite of many requests to speak louder.   Could they possibly forget this every time they communicated with them?  Could it possibly be intentional...to annoy
them?  They didn't know what to think anymore.   I suggested that they send their co-workers  the link to this blog.  Assuming they read it, they might get a dose of education. 

Has anyone else had this problem in the workplace?  If so, how did you handle it?   Suggestions, please?

I Need Your Help

One of my readers commented that it would be very beneficial for my blog to be read by the hearing community as well by us.  I agree....it might just "open their eyes" to our challenges, and provide them with suggestions on how they can help.

So, perhaps you can send my blog link to them, or copy/paste a particular post that you think they should read. 

Also, in order to keep this blog fresh and informative, I would appreciate your input and any suggestions that you think would benefit all of us.

Thanks!
Terri

As a former educator, I wrote this personal essay on my experience in the classroom 

 

Confessions of a Hearing Impaired Teacher

“Let’s talk about disabilities”. On the first day of each school year, I would lead a discussion on this topic.  By 5^th grade, the kids all knew this word. Several had all ready been diagnosed with one….reading disability, ADD, physical issues, etc.  This led to a lively, thoughtful conversation about hidden disabilities verses obvious ones, and ones that have an extreme impact verses ones that rarely cause a problem.  It didn’t take long to realize that we all have something which offers some kind of challenge.  Most of the children were happy to volunteer information about their own disability or that of a family member. “Now it’s my turn, “I said.

I began to explain that young children often have soft voices.  In math terms, soft voices + the inability to project = a struggle for Mrs. G .When I showed them my hearing aids, they were agape. This was still when kids thought their teachers were perfect in every way. I continued to explain that, occasionally, I might need them to repeat a question or answer, or that I might miss or mix-up a word. Most of the children listened intently and seriously, but there were always a few snickers from the group.  I knew that these would be the kids who would repeat by shouting or speaking as if in slow motion.  It rarely happened, but when it did, it was embarrassing and hurtful.  I guess their need for attention, even negative attention, superceded the need to be respectful of one’s feelings.

Whereas most teachers make accommodations for their students, I had to make them for myself. I made sure never to shortchange my students of an excellent education, so I did whatever was necessary.  I started with the room arrangement by grouping the desks in such a way that I had eye contact with most, if not all, the students.  Several times during the day, I would call them up to the front of the room, where they sat on the floor in a semicircle.  It made it easier for me, and it gave them a chance to stretch.  Remember what it was like as a kid to sit in your chair for hours at a time!

I spent most of my teaching time standing and moving around.  I was more than happy to go up to a child’s desk than have him communicate from across the room. This worked better for all of us.

I loved my job.  Teaching was a natural for me, and it allowed me to utilize my creativity and teaching skills.  I was the teacher that couldn’t wait for summer vacation to be over, so that I could do the thing I enjoyed most.  However, many school days were challenging…they required me to listen intensely. It was only after the children left for the day, that I realized how drained I was.  The silence was delightful.

In 2002, I made a cross country move to CA.  My intention was to get my CA license, and teach as a substitute a few days a week.  For me, it meant going from being “the captain of the ship” to the guy who swabs the deck.  I was basically left” busy work” for the kids to do in their teachers’ absence.  This definitely didn’t work for me.  Then I decided to volunteer at the local library in their ESOL program.  I helped teach English and life skills to non-English speaking adults, all of whom were always so appreciative and respectful.  I did this for six years until my hearing worsened.

I now know my limitations.  The only person I now teach, is my 11 year old grandson. He knows the drill: to speak loudly, clearly and face me. He’s happy to tell everyone that he has his own personal tutor…his grandma.  For now, that’s just the way I like it!

Ready for an Upgrade!

Yesterday, I purchased a new pair of hearing aids.  It’s been 8 years, and I thought it was time to check out the new technology, especially for clarity.  I went to Sonus in Irvine, where I was given a very thorough exam from their knowledgeable and lovely staff. (www.SoCalSonus.com)  I was told that my hearing loss is not too different  from that of 5 years ago.  However, I FEEL like there was a dramatic decrease. The only explanation I can think of is that, since I’ve been writing more about  our limitations and accommodations, I’ve become more focused on my own.  I will receive the new hearing aids in 2 weeks, at which time I will update my blog with the specifics.  I’m ready for some good news!

 Any comments or recommendations will be appreciated.

 

Let's Educate the Hearing Community

This post is for the family members, friends, and colleagues who care about us.  By making just a few, small accommodations, they can vastly help us achieve a more normal quality of life. 

My first recommendation is to face us when you speak. We will probably use your facial expressions, gestures, and body language as cues. Be assured, that if you talk to us from another room or with your back to us, we will most likely ask you to repeat yourself.  If possible, please speak clearly and loudly enough (no shouting, please…it makes us feel badly). We are tired of smiling and nodding, giving the appearance that we’ve heard you.

In group situations, if you have any input on the seating arrangements, think “circular”, whether it is a round table in a restaurant or a seating arrangement for a book group meeting. It allows us to see and better hear all the participants.  However, if the seating is traditional, as in rows, perhaps you can set aside a few seats in the front for us.

If you are the speaker, it would be helpful to repeat each question that is asked, before answering them.  This might keep us from asking the same question 10 minutes later. If you have an opportunity to use a microphone, know that it will be much appreciated. Please be careful to hold it at a reasonable distance, so that your words are not muffled. Handouts, which give the gist or outline of the presentation, are also very helpful. Visual aids are always great!

At home, we hope you will be patient with us.  As Groucho Marx is credited with saying, “One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.” We don’t want to frustrate our family by, for example, blasting the TV, so we may opt to use an assisted listening device.  My personal favorite accommodation is the use of closed captioning.  I assure you that the hearing members of the family will soon get use to ignoring the words on the screen. As for the telephone, that is a big challenge.  When you call us, please try to project as much as possible.  If you need to leave a message, especially your phone number, please, please, please speak s-l-o-w-l-y and clearly. All too often, we are forced to replay the message over and over in order to know how to return your call. 

 

In the workplace, our hearing issues sometimes make us feel diminished professionally, especially when there is a lot of background noise and conversing.  We always try our best, but hope that you will show tolerance and understanding if you sense we need to have something repeated.  At the end of each day, we want to leave our job feeling productive and part of the team.

All of these accommodations take very little effort, yet benefit all of us.  You don’t need to repeat as often, and we don’t need to embarrass ourselves asking you to do it.  It cuts down, if not eliminates, a lot of stress and shame that hearing impaired people often experience. It would be easy for us just to “tune out”, retreat into our own little world, and avoid the struggle, but that would not be fully living the one life we get.

Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine, so…..from the website of the ASL:

An older man had serious hearing problems for many years. He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%.  The old man went back to the doctor in a month, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The man replied, Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.  I just sit around and listen to their conversations.  I’ve changed my will 3 times”.

Please pass this on to those who are willing to make a difference!

 

 

 

 

Good News!  Regal Theaters are equipping almost 6,000 of its movie screens with closed-captioning eyewear. (See article in the Los Angeles Times, May 7).  www.LATimes.com/business. The glasses are very expensive , so call ahead to find a local theater that has already purchased them. For someone like myself, who watches TV with closed captioning, this is a blessing. I used this new technology a few weeks ago, and was very pleased....no more headphones with static to worry about.

 I actually found out about this 3 months ago at a Hearing Loss Association of America meeting. www.hearingloss.org.  I recommend checking out their website.  There's lots to learn.  You may also want to see if they have a local chapter in your area.  It's very gratifying to attend a meeting, knowing that all the participants have mutual issues and information to share.

So, go to the movies, and let us know how this new experience was for you!

Patience Needed for the Hard of Hearing

 In a class focused on UCI professors and their published books, I chatted with the woman sitting next to me.  We were both amateur writers, and discussed the types of writing we preferred.  I mentioned that I had an article published in the Los Angeles Times (January 9, 2012) on the subject of living with a hearing impairment in a hearing world.  Without missing a beat, she said that her husband has “that problem” too, and added that it was very difficult dealing with him.  “Does your husband have patience with you”, she asked.  I was shocked at the brazenness of her remarks to a total stranger, but held my tongue before answering, “Yes”.  Fortunately, the class began, and our “conversation” was over.  Later that night, I replayed her words in my mind.  I realized that to some of the hearing community, we are nuisances, requiring accommodations that they are no longer willing to give.   That is why we need to educate them and hope for their understanding.

  

 

 

With a Little Help from Our Friends

 

This is my first blog....ever!   So please forgive me if I don't use the correct blogging terms and protocol.  My name is Terri Goldstein, and I am hearing impaired.  My decline started about 30 years ago.  The bad news is that my condition was inoperable.  The good news is that the loss has been gradual.  I have somewhere between a moderate to severe loss....just enough to get by, but with some difficulty.  In January, 2012, the Los Angeles Times printed an article I wrote documenting some of the struggles of a hard of hearing person.  I received over 300 responses, which confirms that there are many people who walk in our shoes.  I have reprinted the article below. I look forward to seeing your responses.  Terri

Imagine yourself in a country where nobody speaks your language.  It becomes a necessity to rely on your other senses, and hone your powers of observation.  You welcome the times when you can “fill in the blanks” and get the gist of a conversation. 

Each situation is stressful…will you be a participant or an observer?  This is the life of a hearing-impaired person.

 

We are not deaf, and therefore, most of us do not lip read, sign, or wear hearing devices 100% of the time.  We try to preserve whatever hearing we have left. We walk softly on the fine line between the hearing and deaf communities.

 

Even our friends are selected carefully.  We cultivate friendships based on who is sensitive to our needs.  They are the people who are willing to speak a little louder and more distinctly.  They are the people who are willing to repeat themselves if they see from your expression that you didn’t hear all that was said.  They don’t wait for you to apologize or “phase out” of a difficult–to- hear conversation.  They make sure that you never feel ashamed of yourself for your disability.

 

Each day is a series of plans…..how to seat yourself and others so that you have the best hearing advantage, where to go to avoid loud, busy places, etc. However, sometimes it is difficult to control the situation.  Envision going to the theater or movies, only to find the audience laughing with delight, when you have no idea why.  Maybe you smile or chuckle to camouflage your discomfort, hoping that this will not reoccur throughout the movie.  These facilities usually offer headsets, which allow you to amplify the volume.  Unfortunately, many are not well maintained, and cause a static-like sound.  It is always a pleasure…and a surprise…when we can enjoy a movie without struggling. We sometimes avoid talking on the phone, knowing that we may need you to repeat yourself several times. You can understand why some of us choose to communicate by e-mail or text!  We arrive at speaker functions and seminars at least 30 minutes early, so that we can get a much needed front row seat.  Even in the health club, we wear our hearing aids to help follow the class routines.  We certainly don’t want to be caught doing push-ups when the rest to the group is doing sit-ups!

 

In spite of our disability, many of us continue to be social beings and take part in group activities.  There is always the fear of asking a question that has already been asked and answered.  We understand that you may find it funny, but please know that it mortifying to us.  For this reason, on occasion, we may try to monopolize the conversation, in an attempt to control what is being said. With all the accommodations we give ourselves, we, all too often, mix up or miss words. We go home feeling embarrassed, and wonder why we continually subject ourselves to group functions.

 

This is not meant to be a sad commentary. Please do not pity us, and certainly don’t avoid us.  We are very functional, and grateful for the hearing ability we still have. We simply need “a little help from our friends.”

 

Terri Goldstein